Food porn (or Rachel Ray you are not)

I'm not sure if it was Bryan or Krista I first heard it from, but "food porn" is a common occurance in our household. Food porn can consist of looking at restaurant menus online, watching cooking shows on the Food Network, talking about where to go out to dinner, discussing what you'd LOVE to be eating right that moment, etc.

So a couple of weeks ago Bryan and Krista were engaging in some food porn Rachel Ray style. I guess that day she was making Cubano Hash. The next day, they decided that they wanted to make it. Now it was maybe 11am, and NO preparation had been made to create this. Here is the recipe as Rachel Ray made it.

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
3/4 pound ground pork
3/4 pound, packaged chorizo, peeled and chopped
1 medium onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 teaspoon ground cumin, 1/3 palm full
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1/2 bottle beer
4 Portuguese rolls or 2 sandwich sized English muffins, split and toasted
4 deli-cut slices Swiss cheese
4 dill pickles, chopped
2 tablespoons yellow mustard
2 tablespoons butter
4 large eggs

So as they read the recipe together, this is how it went...me listening in hysterical laughter as this unfolded:
olive oil
- K: "We have that"
ground pork
- T: "We don't have that. All we have is frozen pork pieces"
- B: "That will be fine!"
Chorizo
- K: "We don't have chorizo, but I have some sausages and some strange hot sauce from Costa Rica, so that will be perfect."
Medium onion
- B: "We don't have a fresh onion, but we have frozen chopped onion with celery and red pepper in it. That should be fine."
3 cloves garlic
-K: "I have some in a jar, that will be fine."
Ground cumin
-T: "Yes, we have that in the cupboard"
Ground allspice
-K: "What's allspice?"
-B: "Beat's me!"
-T: "I think it's in the same family as cinnamon and nutmeg, but we don't have any."
-K: "Ooh, but we do have cinnamon and nutmeg. Good enough!"
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
- Yes, we have salt and pepper
2 tablespoons tomato paste
-K: "I don't have any."
-B: "Neither do we, let's just use ketchup."
1/2 bottle beer
-B: "Oh, I have one beer left! How's a pale ale?"
4 Portuguese rolls or 2 sandwich sized English muffins
-B: "We've got wheat bread, how's that?"
4 deli-cut slices Swiss cheese
-T: "I just bought some swiss cheese yesterday, lucky for you guys. This might be the only thing you'll actually do right!"
Dill pickles
-B: "I think there is a jar in the fridge that isn't too old."
Yellow mustard
-K: "We don't have yellow mustard."
-B: "I have some brown mustard. Brown isn't that far from yellow, right?"
Butter
-Margarine will have to do.
Large eggs
-B: "I think we just have 4 eggs left."

And yes, after this discussion where they had less than half of what they needed, they decided to forge ahead. If only I could explain the HORRIBLE smell this recipe made. It looked even worse (I wish I had pictures). But the verdict from the college kids....................

IT'S DELICIOUS!!!!!

Much to their dismay, I refused to try it.